Irreplacable or not?
by caldude
Summary: Blaine has moved away at the start of Christmas break. Kurt is heartbroken. Will he find a new boyfriend or stay single forever? Also, please review the story, thanks!
1. Blaineless is not Painless

Chapter 1 Blaineless is the Opposite of Painless

(This is my 1st Glee fanfic so I would love reviews!)

(Disclaimer: this fanfic is based on the tv show Glee. I do not own any of the rights here.)

(Also, in this fanfic: Blaine and Kurt do NOT have sex in Season 3, Episode 5. The fanfic begins as Christmas break begins for McKinley High in Season 3)

Kurt wiped a tear from his eye as the car drove off into the distance surrounded by a sea of Ohio's farms. That voice that always energized him and those eyes that always helped him find optimism, would never touch him. He would have to rely on his voice to bring him energy and he would have to stare into his own eyes in the mirror if he wanted any hint of the satisfaction or confidence Blaine gave him.

"Too bad Blaine's moving," Finn said as he patted Kurt on the back. "He seemed like a nice boyfriend." Kurt almost burst into tears. "School just ended for the winter so we have about two weeks off. No school, that should be fun, right?" Kurt shook his head. Since all of his friends were away seeing Grandma for Christmas or basking in Florida's sun, a long two weeks stretched in front of Kurt. If Blaine were here, break would be amazing. They could go ice skating, work on songs for New Directions and kiss each other all they wanted. Perhaps they could even do what they almost did after they visited Scandals the first time. That would never happen now. Kurt only had himself for company.

Blaine's family though was moving to Chicago, his Father received some new job. Kurt cried when Blaine told him the news. "I wish I could stay but we have to go," Blaine said.

"I'll miss you so much, honey," Kurt replied. He hugged Blaine. Then the lips moved closer and closer until they touched. It only lasted 10 seconds but it held passion as the lips pressed each other. Blaine's tongue reached into Kurt's mouth but only for a second, yet its touch was filled with electric fire. "I will never forget you," Kurt said. As he stared into Blaine's eyes, Kurt saw the reflection of his face. It had tears streaming down it.

"He's gone now," Finn said as the flashback ended. "Let's go inside and see Mom and Dad. Yeah, I know it sucks. Rachel's gone too, she's seeing her Chicago relatives for Christmas. She will be back though, it is only two weeks." Kurt nodded but he would not see Blaine again in two weeks, he would see Blaine again never.

As Kurt walked into the house, he heard Burt talk with Carole. "Damm, I can't believe it. They have to have a revote for the congressional race because the voting machines were supposedly tampered with. It's on January 3rd, right before school starts for Kurt on the 5th. At least Sue and the other candidates are taking their names off the ballot except for the nasty guy who ran the Santana ad." Kurt ignored him as he retreated to his room.

Kurt stared at the wall. No Blaine, no more Blaine. Where though could Kurt find another guy? Wait, perhaps Scandals had someone. Kurt checked his wallet, he still had the Fake ID. But how could he get to Scandals? Then Kurt remembered what Karofsky said, "Taxis."

An hour later, Kurt stood a block away from Scandals as the taxi sped off through the trees. It was probably the best idea to not tell the taxi driver exactly where he was going. Being out and proud was important but telling someone he never met while in a moving vehicle, not a good idea. Kurt hesitated for a moment. Today was different, no Blaine was here to hold his hand or protect him. Kurt was alone, facing this dimly lit bar surrounded by a dimly lit road. He took a step back, he could not go in there. After a minute of breathing slowly, Kurt nudged the door open, showed his I.D and sat down at the bar. As he heard the slow song "Come into my world" by Kylie Minogue, Kurt scanned the bar. It was empty, except for Karofsky, sitting on the far end of the table.

"Hey Kurt," he said as he walked over to Kurt. "Where's Blaine?"

"I don't want to talk about him," Kurt said. "He moved and he's never coming back." He stared at the wall.

Karofsky moved back. "Man, sorry about that. Are you doing a long distance relationship?"

Kurt shrugged. "I really don't know, it's not the same if he's not there in flesh and blood, right?"

Karofsky nodded. "I've never had one but from what I have heard, long distance relationships never work, no matter how much you guys want it too. You can't kiss your boyfriend on Facebook, screens don't taste good. Unless Blaine can come back, you should look for a guy nearby. You're cute, you'll get a guy in five minutes."

Kurt looked at Karofsky for a second. "Wait a second, are you flirting with me?" Kurt asked pointedly.

Karofsky moved his hand. "Oh dude, don't worry. I already have a boyfriend now. Don't tell anyone though," he whispered. "Anyway, I've learned a few things from the gay dating world. Want to hear them?"

"Go ahead," said Kurt.

"Losing Blaine was really tough," Karofsky said. "Feeling sad about him forever does not help. You need a guy you can love like Blaine, someone who fills his gap. Also, it's a big time for you. High school is about to end, things will change. You have to experience the world a little bit. You might find the guy who will take your virginity." He stopped for a second. "No, don't rush it at all but don't hold back. If love comes knocking, hold open the door. You have a big heart unlike me. I was a cowardly idiot. Guys will love you but make sure you give them a chance." Karofsky stared at the counter and paused. "So that was my two cents," he said.

"Thank you," Kurt said as a small smile appeared on his face. He still stared at the wall though but glanced at Karofsky for a second.

"Hope it helped," Karofsky said. "Later man," he tipped his cap and left the bar.

Kurt stared at the wall for five minutes as the song "Somebody's Watching me" began to play. Could he do it, could he find someone new? Blaine though, he was just too irreplaceable. Then again, Lima, Ohio was only so large. He would not find another gay teen in weeks. How many even knew Scandals existed? Then he heard the door open. As it closed, a voice said "Hello cutie, you are really thirsty. Mind if I buy you a drink?"


	2. Narcisso

Chapter 2 Narcisso

Kurt turned to see who asked to buy him a drink. He saw a 6'5 brown haired guy only a couple of years older wearing a red tie and a dark zygna suit. His face was shaven and shiny. Somebody's Watching me continued to blare in the background. "No." Kurt said quickly. "I'm fine."

"Why?" the guy asked.

Kurt stared at the floor. "Because…"

"Relax," the guy said slowly. Then he looked at Kurt. "You are so nervous."

Kurt shuddered, he was so nervous. He took a breath, what harm could a little drink do? Karofsky told him to try new things, now that his high school life was about to end. Sure, New York would be the best city to expand in but what if NYADA did not accept him? Then he looked again at the guy to see his face. "Um…sure," Kurt said.

"Good decision," the guy said as he approached the bartender. "We would like two bloody Marys," he said.

As they waited for the drinks to arrive, the guy took off his jacket and sat down next to Kurt. He inched the chair closer while Kurt watched the bartender prepare the drinks. "Enjoying yourself?" the guy asked while looking at Kurt.

"Um, I wish I could say yes but I am not," Kurt said as he turned around. "My b…" he stopped himself as he almost said boyfriend. That information could wait until Kurt knew this guy.

"I'll make you happy. All the gay guys ask me to make them happy and I do it, I have to bow to the demand. It's not like they force me to help them but I cannot resist," the guy replied. "The reason is that I'm gay but you'd never know I'm gay…until I tell you, but I tell everyone. My parents are fine with it, they have to be."

Kurt slowly nodded. "I see," he said. "What's your name?"

"Narcisso Zeus Bugiardo, but you can call me Zeus," the guy replied. He extended his hand to Kurt as Kurt slowly raised his hand. "You are hesitating too much. Shake like this." Narcisso moved his arm in front of Kurt's face and extended it firmly. "Now grasp my hand and shake it firmly, not too nervous." Kurt grasped Narcisso's hand. "Much better, keep it up. Anyway, My Dad's side came straight from the lovely city of Siracusa on the island of Sicilia. Our family specializes in selling the Italiano specialty, pizza…um…I mean the pizzazy cars!"

"Cars are nice but I don't know too much about them," Kurt said. "My Dad fixes cars actually. You may know him."

"I would, I know everyone in this village you live in called Lima," Narcisso said. "I know who you are, Kurt Hummel. I know your Father, Burt and his wife Carole. He's some car repairman, he probably does a good job. Anyway, I am the manager for one of our family's car dealerships. I want to save all the money I make there so I can quit that job and start a pool cleaning company. I already have some customers lined up thanks to my Dad's contacts. First, I will have to buy out that punk kid Noah Pukingman or whatever his name is. He's competition but he does not have my money. Then I'll save the money I make at my business and buy another pool company. I'll keep working until I make my 1st million. Then I'll make another million, and another and another. Judging by my calculations, I will soon…."

Kurt yawned and shook his head. "Actually, I might have to leave soon…um…" Then the bartender handed them the drinks.

"Sure you don't want to drink first?" Narcisso asked. "You seem so nervous."

Kurt stood for a moment and stared at the drink. He was not supposed to get drunk, was he? He was not driving home though, and wasn't there a first time for everything. "Okay, I'll drink." Kurt took a sip of bloody Mary. He burped as the drink's strength burnt his mouth. Actually, the bloody Mary had a fiery feeling that pleased Kurt. He took another sip, this one larger than the first.

"So," Narcisso said as he played with his glass while looking at Kurt's eyes. "Are you a top or a bottom?"

"What's that?" Kurt asked, still sipping the bloody Mary.

Narcisso groaned. "You don't know anything about the gay world. I am a great teacher though. A bottom is a typical gay guy, like you. He likes Madonna, he dances, he sings, he loves dressing up in funny costumes. You're a bottom, I can tell by your voice. I can always tell but guys sometimes think they can lie in front of me but they never fool me. I am very good at reading people."

"So is a top a guy who is the opposite of a bottom?" Kurt asked.

"Yep," Narcisso replied, flicking his finger at Kurt. "You get this stuff quickly. You are good. A top is a masculine gay guy, like me. All bottoms need tops but some inexperienced bottoms think they can date another bottom, another femmie who sings and acts but they need a top. They need a real man."

Kurt suddenly thought of Blaine who sang and acted. He sipped again and said, "I had a boyfriend Blaine. He was a bottom but he was the most amaz…" then Kurt stopped. He looked at Narcisso's smooth nose, the nose Rachel wanted. Even Quinn would dislike her nose when she saw Narcisso's.

"You are not the first guy who looks at me that way," Narcisso said, rubbing his hands under Kurt's gaze. "They all do it. This guy just as I walked in said to me "I like your tie." Of course he likes it, it's Hermes. Not only because I am a top and I am nice but also because I am smoking hot. My Mom was a model and my Aunt on my Dad's side also modeled. I'm just a great catch, especially for cute guys like you."

"Yep," Kurt said quietly with glossy eyes.

"By the way, we have to take you home, it's late out there and all bottoms need a top to protect them," Narcisso said. "Don't be nervous, I'll take you back. You will love my Maserati."

Kurt suddenly stopped and looked away from Narcisso. He did not know Narcisso well enough, who knew what Narcisso wanted to do? Kurt could trust Blaine except when Blaine was drunk but was Narcisso trustworthy? Then Kurt looked at Narcisso again and settled on Narcisso's hair. Even the cologne Narcisso had shined; it drew Kurt closer to him. That slicked back gel made the hair shine and feel like a beautiful grassy meadow with flowers where Kurt could frolic with one of Brittany's unicorns…or perhaps he could frolic with Narcisso there instead. Perhaps lying down in the meadow with Narcisso and touching him there and then…

Kurt sipped one last time from the bloody Mary. "Okay, I've made up my mind. You can take me home," he said.

Narcisso nodded. "Finally you're not being nervous. I promise I will make you have fun."

(Reviews are great. Also, your advice and opinions on Narcisso are very much appreciated! Thank you!)


	3. Mad About You

Chapter 3 Mad About You

(Welcome to the 3rd chapter! Also, please review! I really want feedback on Narcisso)

Narcisso held open the door for Kurt as Kurt exited the building. "No one misses my Maserati," Narcisso said. "So you don't need to find my car. However, I'm a top and I'm nice so I will escort you there." As Narcisso closed the door, Kurt walked quickly ahead toward the black Maserati on the parking lot's far corner. Then Kurt felt an arm on his shoulder.

"Actually, I'm…" Kurt began but he suddenly stopped as he felt the arm as hard as iron around him.

Narcisso chuckled as he opened and closed the car door for Kurt. Narcisso sat in his seat as he pulled two phones out of his pockets. "Should I use my Android 4 or my iPhone 4S?" he said to himself as he looked at both of them. "What do you think Kurt?"

"I don't care," Kurt said slowly, motioning at the floor.

"Oh, I forgot I had the iPad 2, thanks for pointing it out," Narcisso said as he reached down near Kurt's seat and pulled up the iPad 2. "I need directions to your place so I can take you home safely. You're too drunk to go home alone."

Kurt muttered the name of a road near his house. "Thank you!" Narcisso said. "Let's go." Kurt nodded slowly as he looked at Narcisso. The car started up as Narcisso made a sharp turn out of the parking lot. He sped along the road as a car honked at him.

"Fast car going vroom vroom," Kurt said smiling. Narcisso nodded as he took his right hand off the steering wheel. He put it on Kurt's knee. "Oh that tickles," Kurt said, rubbing the hand.

Narcisso just smiled as the hand crept further up Kurt's leg. He suddenly swerved and pulled into a parking lot surrounded by trees. "We could take a break before we arrived," Narcisso said. "We spent an awfully short time together. I want to get to know you more."

Kurt's glazed eyes stared back at Narcisso. "You are so sexy," he replied. "I want to get to know you more."

Narcisso's firm eyes met Kurt's unfocused eyes. "I'll open the door for you and escort you to the backseat. The front is too crowded." Kurt just nodded and then he slowly rubbed Narcisso's arm.

Narcisso held open the door for Kurt as Kurt staggered outside of the car. "No other cars here, they can't see us from the road," Narcisso whispered to himself. He held open the door for Kurt as Kurt slipped into the backseat. "I do this all the time," Narcisso said as Kurt's unfocused eyes focused on Narcisso's face. "You're about 5'11 and I'm 6'5 so I'm too big. You lie on top of me."

"Whatever you say, love your hot eyes," Kurt said. He let Narcisso sit on the left side as Kurt sat next to him.

Then Narcisso pulled Kurt's face over to him and they kissed. The lips touched as Kurt tasted fresh mint. Then Narcisso's tongue pushed Kurt's lips aside and started slipping through Kurt's mouth. Kurt raised his own tongue as they touched each other. Narcisso's tongue played with Kurt's as Kurt felt something rubbing his back. After 20 seconds, it ended as Narcisso drew back from Kurt. This kiss was more sensual than a kiss with Blaine who would never feel Kurt around, even with the tongue. Kurt did not realize that the kiss lacked Blaine's passion because even if Narcisso had technique, could he replicate Blaine's passion? Kurt did not know as he let Narcisso kiss him on the cheek.

Narcisso rubbed Kurt's chest as Kurt took off his shirt. Kurt rubbed Narcisso back, kissing him on the cheek. Narcisso rubbed Kurt's back again, licking Kurt's face. Then Narcisso fingered Kurt's pants. "Ready to do it?" Narcisso asked, smiling.

"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked. "Are you talking about it?"

"Don't say "it" say sex," Narcisso said. "You ready for it?"

As Kurt felt Narcisso's tightness, Kurt nearly said yes. Then he stopped. Kurt could do what he and Blaine never did. Could this act satisfy his need for a boyfriend? Could it finally prove to Kurt he was not alone? Would it truly make Kurt more mature? He would no longer be the only one still a virgin. Finn lost it, Quinn lost it, Puck lost it and now even Rachel lost it. Could Kurt continue being the only one? Or did the liquor force his eyes to do all the deciding, let only his eyes judge the guy? Could he really do it with a guy he did not know well, this random guy he met at the bar? Was this right?

The fog left Kurt's eyes as Kurt shook his head. "Not today," he said.

"You sure?" Narcisso asked.

Kurt nodded. "I am sure."

Narcisso smiled. "Why?"

"I've never done it before. I want it to be special, I want to feel emotionally mature enough. I don't feel that way yet," Kurt said. "I'm sorry, I still think you're gorgeous but I need time."

Narcisso leaned back and sat on the seat. "Fine, you can wait," he said, looking at Kurt. "Anyway, let's get you home. I'll see you soon."

Kurt nodded. "I like you a lot."

Ten minutes later, Narcisso drove a block away from Kurt's place. "You can let me off here," Kurt said. "I'm just a block away."

Narcisso stared at Kurt. "We both know why you won't let me see your house."

Kurt stared at the floor. "Um…I don't know if…"

"I already know where you live anyway. Have a good night." As Kurt began to exit the car, Narcisso kissed him on the cheek. Kurt slowly exited the Maserati as he watched it zoom into the darkness.

Kurt entered the house, racing up to his room before his parents could see him and smell the stench of alcohol. Kurt closed the door shut, and stopped. "What did I do?" he asked.

The next morning, Kurt woke up and shook his head. Wait, was there a tiger in his bedroom with a baby on top of it? Kurt blinked, there was nothing strange in the room. What happened last night? Oh, there was a guy and he was extremely gorgeous. He had those solid muscles and that smooth clean face with dark hair. He was much more handsome than Blaine could ever be. "I want to see you again," Kurt whispered. "I'm mad about you."

Kurt stood on top of his bed and began to sing:

_Mad About you by Belinda Carlisle_

_I'm mad about you  
>You're mad about me babe<br>Couple of fools run wild aren't we  
>Pushing the day into the nighttime<br>Somewhere between the two  
>We start to see<em>

_Mad about you (Mad about you)  
>Lost in your eyes (Reason aside)<br>Mad about love (Mad about you)  
>You and I<em>

_Something 'bout you  
>Right here beside me<br>Touches the touched part of me like I can't believe  
>Pushing the night into the daytime<br>Watching the sky's first light  
>While the city sleeps<em>

_Mad about you (Mad about you)  
>Lost in your eyes (Reason aside)<br>Mad about love (Mad about you)  
>You and I<em>

_Mad about you (Mad about you)  
>Lost in your eyes (Reason aside)<br>Mad about love (Mad about you)  
>You and I<em>

_I'm mad about you  
>You're mad about me babe<br>Couple of fools run wild aren't we_

_Mad about you (Mad about you)  
>Lost in your eyes (Reason aside)<br>Mad about love (Mad about you)  
>You and I<em>


	4. Jane Scarlet

Chapter 4 Jane Scarlet

(Reviews are extremely appreciated! Preferably reviews on Narcisso and Jane Scarlet! Thanks!)

As Kurt went into the kitchen, he saw Burt, Carole and Finn all sitting around the table eating breakfast. "How is everyone enjoying break?" Kurt asked.

Finn nodded. "It's good man."

"Not as much as I wanted," Burt said. "We're going to have to campaign for another two weeks. This means I have to drive across the district every day, give another speech, shake more hands. It's fun at first but it's exhausting in the end. At least most people are friendly, unlike many politicians, I relate to them pretty easily. Will was right."

"Reggie the Pizza guy is getting closer. You're neck and neck now," Carole said. "I'm a little worried."

"He's worse than Sue," Burt said as he pointed his fork at Kurt. "He keeps sending out nasty attack ads. In most campaigns, the candidate's kids are off limits. Reggie won't do that. He outed Santana, he doesn't care about anything but winning."

"What is he going to do, call me trout mouth or something?" Finn asked.

"He might," Burt said. "Anyway, as long as you guys have no skeletons in your closet and I know none of you have them." He then leaned over to Kurt and whispered. "Especially you."

Kurt looked at the window for a second. Then he turned and nodded, "Don't worry, I am as clean as a bell."

"Good to hear that," Burt said, patting Kurt on the back. "Now would you mind coming to some events with us today? We need your spirit." He then added. "Yours too, Finn."

"Sure," Kurt and Finn both said. They raced to the car as Burt and Carole drove off to campaign.

At 5:00 that evening, Kurt threw open the front door, raced upstairs and collapsed into bed. Being a politician was not on his bucket list and never would be. How could anyone do all these events in one day? First, he went to a farm and sat in the audience as Burt gave a speech about farmers, then they attended a lunch at a retirement home and finally they walked through a neighborhood in the freezing cold knocking on doors. Talking to the voters was fun because most of them were nice. Still, walking to all the houses in the neighborhood stole all of Kurt's energy.

As he stared at the ceiling though, he whispered to himself, "I have to unwind. But how?"

Then he realized the solution, he would return to Scandals. Perhaps he would see Narcisso, the guy with that amazing hair, the tight body, the eyes…Kurt smiled as he closed his eyes and remembered Narcisso's face. Kurt was returning to Scandals.

An hour later, Kurt was outside Scandals like yesterday. He showed his fake ID and entered. As he walked in, he noticed an eerie silence. How come no one said hi to him like yesterday when he arrived?

Kurt glanced around the bar. All he saw was the bartender cleaning a table with a cloth, it lay desolate and empty. No Karofsky, no Narcisso, no Sebastain, not even an older gay couple. Kurt sat down at the bar and watched the dancefloor as no songs played.

Then he heard the door open and he heard, "I know a place where you can get away, it's called a dancefloor…"

"Vogue," Kurt whispered. He turned to see who entered.

Kurt could not take his eyes off Scandal's new guest. The new guest was not particularly handsome but he had orange gelled hair and was overweight. The guest also wore a rainbow colored shirt and pink jeans. Kurt then looked at the shoes and saw they were china flats.

"Um…hi," Kurt said.

The guy waved back. "I have never seen you before," he said. "Could I ask for your name?"

Kurt nearly shook his head. He could not ignore the extremely strong lisp in the voice. "Kurt. What is yours?"

"Call me Jane Scarlet," the guy said, emphasizing the "s."

Kurt blinked again. "Just wondering, are you transgender?" he asked.

Jane shook his head. "Not at all, I'm proud being a man because as a man, I get the best men ever. Straight guys are just jocks that have no head, gay guys actually love me. My real name is John, by the way. If I can't be beautiful, then I would rather just die." He then pulled out a small mirror, some eyeliner and started to put it on his eyes.

"So do you wear makeup often?" Kurt asked.

"Very often, it's so precious," Jane said. "I have a sweet tooth and a strawberry youth. I appreciate my style sense. As a dancer, I need to understand the audience's perception of me. It does not matter, they are my licorice in a misguided truth."

"Cool," Kurt said. "I hardly ever wear makeup. I do not dance well but I can sing. I am in my school's glee club. I love it so much. Also, you're one of the few people who fit more gay stereotypes than me."

"You need some mascara to be applied," Jane said, staring at Kurt's face. "Beauty is where you find it, not where you bump and grind it. I find beauty in mascara." He pulled some mascara out of his pocket and began to apply it to himself. "I also find beauty in what my boyfriend gave me."

Kurt smiled, almost with a gasp of relief. Thank God Jane already had a boyfriend, Kurt would not have to endure this guy flirting with him. Could he imagine Jane forcing himself on Kurt, trying to turn Kurt into a makeup experiment? Wait though, was this the boyfriend of Karofsky that Karofsky mentioned? Kurt would do a little probing, even if he had to be nosy.

"How do you like your boyfriend?" Kurt asked.

"I decided he was the most amazing man to enter my little life after he delivered me my ruby slippers," Jane said as he pointed at his china flats which Kurt noticed were covered in ruby red. "I just love him so much. Look at the iPhone 4S he bought me! I've never had an iPhone before, look at it!" Jane pulled out his iPhone 4S with a pink sparkly case. "Now watch me!" He spoke into the iPhone. "What is the most amazing color in the world?"

"Pink!" Siri replied.

"Don't you love my phone!" Jane shouted. "Siri even tells me where to get the best dinner, where the best shopping is and who the best dancers are! I love Siri, I love my iPhone!"

Kurt nodded, almost chuckling. "I'm glad you like your boyfriend," Kurt said, secretly wanting to ask Jane to be quiet. "Also, why do you quote Jeffree Starr and Madonna so much?"

"Because I love them almost as much as I love my boyfriend. I love him so much!" Jane said. "We are going to get married. I want him to buy us a $3 million dollar house in Malibu along the coast where I can see Santa Cruz and Anacapa Islands. I live in Santa Clarita which is further inland from Los Angeles, it's hot, dusty and dry there. There's no color."

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "Wow, you are planning ahead early. Are you sure about getting married so fast? My boyfriend and I were together for nearly a year and we never discussed marriage."

"He must not have been the right guy," Jane said quickly.

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "Listen here, my boyfriend was the greatest boyfriend in the world, he was always there when I was sad, he always supported me in Glee club and he never used me," Kurt said.

"Did your ex boyfriend tell you he'll buy you a liposection?" Jane asked as he stared at his overweight figure as he carefully emphasized the "ex". "Did your ex boyfriend buy you a 1st Class ticket to fly from Los Angeles to Lima for the Christmas break?" Kurt growled but shook his head. "My boyfriend did. That makes him the better boyfriend."

"Is his name Robin Kassner?" Kurt asked. "Did Patti Stanger set you two up?"

Jane blinked and shook his head. "I have never heard of either of them. I just met my gorgeous boyfriend when he came to Los Angeles. He then wanted me to see where he lived so he brought me out here and he picked me up from the airport in his luscious Maserati."

Kurt's mouth dropped. "Wait a second," Kurt asked, glaring at Jane. "What's your boyfriend's name?"

"A name that I can hear quicker than a ray of light," Jane said. "The most beautiful name in the world, Narcisso Bugiardo."


	5. Out of Lima

Kurt shook his head, could it be true? Could the amazing, suave and handsome guy he met yesterday truly be with another guy? Not an amazing guy who Kurt would want but an extremely feminine guy who made Kurt look like straighter than the entire McKinley high football team? Jane Scarlet did not even look sexy, even if he lost weight. With personality, could Narcisso really accept a guy who would try to smear him in makeup?

"Guess what else?" Jane asked. "Narcisso just told me he will give me a Maserati! I only have to pay $2,000 in car payments. If I don't make the payments though, he promised he'll fly over to California and rape me. Therefore, I'm going to miss as many payments as possible. Besides, I should not have to pay any money for my Maserati. He's my boyfriend."

Kurt looked down. "That's nice," he said. Trying to redirect the conversation, Kurt asked, "How do you like your china flats?"

"Narcisso is worth $66.6 million dollars!" Jane shouted. "Did you know that? He even gave me his debit card. This is so amazing, I could never buy anything I want before I met him. Now though I can buy so much. I bought my china flats, they are so gorgeous," Jane said. "Everyone knows real men date dancers. I post that message on my boyfriend's Facebook wall about once a week. I'm a dancer, I have a real man. I dance in my school's Glee club. You need to dance instead of sing if you ever want a boyfriend. We won sectionals, we are going to go to nationals and then we will beat…" Kurt looked at Jane's pink eyelashes and exited the bar quickly before Jane could continue giving his advice to Kurt.

"That guy is not my cup of tea," Kurt whispered to himself. He looked back at Scandals and realized for the first time, he met a guy more feminine than him. Brittany may have thought Kurt was unicorn but Jane was certainly ten unicorns. He called a taxi and returned home. Instead of smiling yesterday as he walked into his house, he walked in slowly not wanting to talk to anyone. He tried to fall asleep quickly but it was hard. This guy who looked at Kurt lovingly and smiled at him a few nights before was lying. Did he really love Kurt? Perhaps finding a boyfriend in Lima would be more difficult than Kurt thought.

Kurt woke up the next day to hear Burt knocking on his door. "Hey Kurt, I wanted you to know I am going to be gone for the whole day at a town hall meeting on the other side of the district. Carole is coming too."

"Thanks for the update," Kurt said. He looked at the clock and saw it was 11am. "That's late," Kurt said. He got dressed and when he was done, he heard his phone ring. "Who can it be?" he asked himself as he picked up the phone. He already had a feeling who it was. "Hello?" he asked.

"Hey, what's up?" Narcisso's calm voice replied. "I'm at this lunch with my Dad with lots of our friends. It is boring though so I want to talk to you cutie."

Kurt shook his head. "Narcisso, there is something we need to…"

"It is so boring, all my Dad is talking about is boring stuff. All the other guys are important but I hate it. I just wish Dad could get it over with, it should be so simple."

"I see," Kurt said. "There is something we need to talk about. First, who is...?"

"I am so bored and I bet you are too. Would you like to go to Chicago with me?" Narcisso asked.

Kurt almost said no. Then Narcisso continued, "We can go see Improv, all bottoms love that. We could have dinner at the Palm. We could go shopping; the malls there are bigger than any mall here. Then we can to go a real gay bar, not a tiny one like Scandals. Perhaps I could even help you relax. You seem so tense." Kurt then stopped. Karofsky told Kurt to live a little bit.

"I'll go to Chicago with you. It will be fun!" Kurt said.

Then Kurt sat down and looked at himself in the mirror. "Why am I going with him?" he asked himself. "Is this really the right choice? Is the bad boy in me coming forward, sabotaging me?"  
>The next day however, Kurt went to the corner and waited for the Maserati to arrive. Narcisso stopped and opened Kurt's door. "Remember that the top always opens the door for the bottom," Narcisso replied. Kurt grumbled but entered the car with Narcisso.<p>

"Let's turn on some music," Narcisso suggested.

"Can we play some September?" Kurt asked. Narcisso looked confused. "She's this amazing dance singer who reminds me of Lady Gaga."

Narcisso replied, "I thought you would like me deciding the music, I should after all because I am the top. I'm in a good mood so I will let you play some music later. Let me download this September singer onto my iPhone." He pulled out the adapter and connected it to the radio. "I may be rich but I am not exactly Victorian," he said. "I hate classical music." He began to play some Lil Wayne.

Kurt pulled out some earplugs and looked out the window for an hour while Lil Wayne blared. Finally Narcisso turned around and said, "Your turn." Kurt smiled and began to play September. The first song was "Party in my head" where September sang about how there was no one around because they were in her head. "Nice song," Narcisso said. Then he turned to Kurt. "Anyway, do you know a lesbian who is really good looking?"

Kurt almost mentioned Santana but asked, "Why should I tell you?"

"I am going to be in some big parties in Dallas and Los Angeles with my Dad soon for some official business. I am so glad he is taking me there, getting me out of the Ohio snow. I am going to be at lots of parties and if I have a girlfriend, it will look good for me. I can't be single, I am too hot to be single and I can't bring you because I am not telling the world I am gay. My Dad needs to make the best impression he can to some poor guys worth $10 million and having a girlfriend helps."

Kurt shook his head. "I don't know anyone." He decided he did not want to subject Santana to him although she would give Narcisso a kick in the pants which is what he needed.

Narcisso laughed. "You should have mentioned Santana," he said. "I would never take her though, it would look weird. I am more interested in Brittany."

"Take a straight girl," Kurt suggested.

"I can't because she will want to be my girlfriend because I am so hot, so confident and so rich," Narcisso said. "Lesbians will not. I like this Brittany girl. How intelligent is she?"

Kurt nearly laughed but shook his head. Narcisso should not take anyone he knew away and do stuff with them. Then again, why was Kurt even with him?

Kurt fell asleep until he woke up to see skyscrapers surrounding him. "Here we are," Narcisso said as he held open the door for Kurt. He looked at a Bloomingdales nearby. "Let's hurry in; I have to buy some shoes."

"Why?" Kurt asked, looking at Narcisso's Prada shoes.

"My friend is trying to outshine me. He brought Ferragamos to work yesterday so I am going to show him who the real guy is around here. He thinks he can out snob me with his shoes, he does not know me," Narcisso said. "I am buying some Guccis, those are the best shoes."

Kurt nearly shook his head. "Actually, Guccis are…"

"Come along," Narcisso said. "You're a bottom, help me pick my shoes."

Kurt followed him into Bloomingdales. The rows of shoes were hard to navigate. "How are these?" Kurt asked as he held up a pair of Guccis.

Narcisso shook his head. "Not shiny enough, they look too old." A few more shoe tries later, Narcisso started to frown. "Kurt, I am getting a new suit too," he said as he looked at his current black suit and red tie. "I need five new Hermes ties; this one here is not a good brand. Can you go into that changing room over there and keep my stuff safe so no one steals it? I have to try on new clothing myself."

"I could just follow you around," Kurt suggested, still smiling as he stared at Narcisso' slicked black hair and smooth face.

Narcisso shook his head. "I'm sorry but I really think it looks weird," he said calmly. "Sorry about this." Narcisso pulled down a new suit, went into the changing room and changed into it. "Stay there Kurt," Narcisso said. "I'll be back in five minutes."

Kurt nodded and as soon as Narcisso left, Kurt yelled, "What are you!" He looked at himself in the mirror. "What have I done? Why am I even here?" Was Kurt too desperate for someone new? "He does not even know a thing about fashion. Gucci shoes are stuck in the 1980s. Ferragamos are the better shoes, Narcisso is clearly crazy."

15 minutes later, Narcisso reentered the room. "Hey Kurt, can you get out for a minute? This new suit stinks. I'm trying a new one." Kurt looked at the clearly expensive suit but exited the room. One minute later, he was back in and noticed a stench. Narcisso left his socks in the room and they smelled worse than Finn's gym socks. Kurt pushed the door open slightly to let in some air. He sat down and stared at the mirror opposite the door. "Never again…" Kurt said. "Never again…can it get worse?"

The door opened and Kurt groaned. It did get worse; someone was peeking in on him. He heard a shriek, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were in there. It was my fault, don't be mad…" Kurt turned around and heard, "Kurt, what are you doing here with those smelly socks?"

Kurt whimpered and said, "It's not fun." Then his eyes narrowed, "How do you know my name?" Then he turned around and yelled, "Rachel Berry, what are you doing here?"


End file.
